never play flip cup with pint glasses
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
