wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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