Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
