After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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