do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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