I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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