My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
