I'm going to jail i love you
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize