im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
