around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
