There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
