somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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