I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
