My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
