planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You need Xanax blowdarts
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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