It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
