Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
