another moral hangover. fuck.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The ass gains better be worth it
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