My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
