is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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