i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize