you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i think my cat just said my name.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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