Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
