Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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