Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
40s are totally the cure
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
