it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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