you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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