Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
