Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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