If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
