Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
