and next time when you feel me up, do it right
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
