i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jerry, you need to find god
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
