am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
