He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
