Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
