After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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