the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
