She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
