from now on my penis is your penis
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just googled if crying burns calories
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
