throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
