The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
