i don't like sucking hair
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
