Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
