My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
