Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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