D3 body, D1 cock
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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