i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
