i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
