Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
