I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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