is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
