Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
