i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
