forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
