I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
