highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
