You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
