Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
