So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
