I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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