woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
