the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
