watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
