i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
