In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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