"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
