You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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