Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
