your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
