So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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