just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
