Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
