She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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